Journal Log #0001: Prologue

11:05 pm. 21st May, 2013

I lay down on my bed. The texture of polished smooth satin seems to relax my palms. The cool after-rain and the breeze of night sends chills down my spine gradually depleting the energy I have left. And in the solemn silence, I begin my business.

As I embark on a journey to the place I’ve always longed for, with myself I carry the keepsake of experiences and memories I had from the people that come and go.

I never depended on destiny, fate to me seems to be nonsensical. I’ve always believed that the life you have is the life you chose, the outcomes Im experiencing right now is based on my decisions. Neither do I aim to make the right choices, nor stay on the safe side – I take risks. As long as it would take me a step closer to my directive, Ill take measures.

My direction is not yet defined, I know what to be at the end, when my utopia has finally arrive. I just dont know what… or who… to accommodate first.

It seems that the world I was born in is a big game, and in my vantage point, its not a friendly one. Most people thrive and get what they deserve, while some, rely on dependence. Although the playing field is not even, the game is still omnipresent. And, as I have theorized, those that relied too much, will learn the hard way, those who cheated, will suffer repercussions.

The silence of the neighborhood is eerie. The blow of the wind against my glass window seeps through its parallel slits and emits a sound that resonates in my room imitating a slight wail, adding chill to the now-cold atmosphere.

Here I am yet again.

Nonetheless, I know Ill get to my directive. With any means possible, feasible, and ethical. I know its a big risk to take, my pains outweigh my pleasure at first, but the scale will tip over when I reached that dream I so long to go to. For now  Im a foolish dreamer, lost in the lust for my dreams that are yet to come and drunk of the non-existent euphoric feeling I hope would be more ecstatic the day I get there. But I know Im no lost dreamer, Im a concrete wide awake navigator.

Good things come to those who wait GO OUT AND FUCKING EARN IT.

As the night grows older, it gets colder. I wrap myself with my comforter and allow myself to curl up and mute the world and the sheer cold my body is already suffering. I channel out with only on thought in my mind – Ive been sleeping alone too long in this bed made for couples.

~xx

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