Journal #0003: He was just a trick

21st day of August, 2013 3:03 am

That morning I went home on a cloud. Only to realize, I was riding that cloud alone . . .
                           
The night before, I was completely caught off guard. I was in cloud nine. My mind was completely muddled by endorphins. It seemed too good to be true that someone I like . . . Could possibly . . . Like . . . Me back. To finally have a mutual feeling between me and him. I felt euphoric. Of course I didnt gave in too much. I was afraid, afraid to assume and jump into conclusions, for in my perspective – and experience – nothing seems to be as I wanted it to be.

Did he actually miss me? Did he wrapped his arms around me just for show, or to show his intimacy and affection towards me?

I dont know. But I felt good. I felt his love.

At the club, he danced with me. With his arms around me, I cant help but feel safe and secure in his embrace. But I had doubts. He’s a nice guy and he values the people he loves. He is rather affectionate and expresses his intimacy a lot and in quite a superficial manner. I cant help but doubt.

My heart has hardened but not to the extent where I dont even care anymore. I couldnt say I’ve grown bitter, I’ve been more careful ever since I gave it away to the last one I liked . . . Loved… I was investing on poor foundations only to end up in a loss.

I got tired of waiting for the right one. All I got is myself now. And every now and then that I feel lonely, I think About the freedom and the perks of being single. After all, in the end, when the world turns its back on me, all what’s left is myself. And I have no choice but live with it and be content with the loneliness I already feel.

Ive been frustrated too much. Ive been lonely for long. For years Ive been sleeping alone in a bed designed for couples. Ive been lonely for far too long. But I dont know if I can afford another heartbreak.

“I often wondered if love’s an illusion, just to get me through the loneliest days” and “love’s for a lifetime, not for a moment, so how could I throw it away? Im only human and nights grow colder with no one to love me that way. I need someone who really sees me” ah, what more could a song express but the perfect thoughts when your own words fail to serve their purpose.

I need someone to be there for me. To love me, as a lover, as a loved one. Someone who would say they’re lucky to have me in their life or just someone who could say “I love you” to me sincerely. Is that too much to ask?  

I cant afford another heartbreak, but, Ill take the risk again. For love – The thing Ive always fought for.

He gave me away. I felt like a joke. Like a kid easily tantalized and indulged with a sight of a mere penny. I couldnt imagine I fell for another meniacal trick of love.

“Dont wanna wake up alone anymore… still believing he’ll walk through my door, all I need is to know its FOR SURE. Then Ill give all the love in the world”
           ~the Corrs

Advertisements

Journal #0002: Keeping my Distance

Fswfwf

Blog Rekindled

Hey guys!

Another semester Happily ended. Now Im here at home trying to spend the day off. The break’s gonna be a bit busy for me since I got a lot to do, but Ill come back to that later. The past month probably killed my internet life, I havent been posting much often and quite virtually lethargic, not to mention Im 21 followers less now because of my malevolent inactivity.

I do miss you guys! I’ve been super busy juggling the life of a student, a coordinator, a friend, a lover, Im even quite lucky to even have a social life. But this month (yes, I have a month off!) Ill do my very best to post more often. I have a lot (I repeat, A LOT) in store for you!

As usual Ill update some of my fashion posts and do some photographies while I’m at it. I’ll also throw in some of my literary works and essays + Ill post some of my ‘short stories’ I infamously call Midtown Journals: Frustrations of the Lost Teenage Life.

The journal, preferably is a collection of stories of how *I wish* my life would’ve been.

I have this list of What to do this month here are some

  • Driving Lessons
  • Cut-out tees
  • Dye my hair green
  • Tattoo (optional)
  • Another piercing (optional)
  • Galaxy prints
  • Sew some clothes (once I already have a sewing machine)
  • Tell him

There’s a lot that I have in mind lately, but it depends upon the weather, driving is prolly my priority right now since it will benefit me the most. This month has a lot in stored for me, Ill be hoping for a new phone hopefully around next week 😉

btw, I havent gone first base before. Care to give me some help?

see you around

~Lots of Love. With Orange Colored Skies.

~xGagaloox

 

RIP this blog.

No. Im not going away and No, Im not going to die.

Ill put this site up to attract some readers.

RIP = Return If Possible

Ill be in a bit of a semestral hiatus which means I cant update for about 5 months. Im busy with school lately, not to mention that first major exams for the semester is up for about two weeks from now. And I have study Anatomy and Organic Chemistry which is my major (which Im also getting the hang of, a little reading and thinking and stuff will do).

So I cant guarantee that Ill be posting more often. If I find something worthy to share, Ill share it with you guys! 🙂 Ill always be reached through my twitter (@Nemorcust).

See you all! Oh and Happy Summer to those in US.. I think.

Lots of Love. With Orange Colored Skies.

~xGagaloox

The thing about jobs

Hello once again readers.

Just wanted to share this small thing and I want to stress it out.

I wanted to be a fashion designer, or an interior designer or anything that involves my creativity since it is my passion. Im in college right now and going to finish a 4-year medical course. I also want to be a doctor (my parents arent really pressuring me) a dermatologist (which I have to complete in another 4 or 5 years) actually since beauty, is also a passion of mine + it is a well payed job. Im just bothered that here (I dont know if its Asian issues or the society) you are judged entirely if your work is well payed for. Personally, my first choice was to be a fashion designer, so basically I plan on taking up fashion designing. We all know those fashion designers are already billionaires but I think finding a job (when Im already a designer) is gonna be hard + the job is not very practical according to speculations they would say its just a ‘hobby job’.

I dont know if its the culture or how much people want to earn money. I just want my job to be something I want to work for, something that my passion is involved so that I have that feeling of gratefulness every Monday and proudly exclaiming “I love my work.” But I cant bear with it. Since a well payed job will get you higher in the society ranks but the belief is just stupid :|. Probably the reason why most people hate their jobs.

Anyway, Ill just stick with it. Might as well be a fashion designer, when time + opportunity permits me. You gotta start with the small things.

Comments are welcome.

Thoughts.

Lots of Love. With Orange Colored Skies.

~xGagaloo

Very intriguing personality test! :)

quick post.

Pls answer these questions and dont peak at the results. This is fun. Get a piece of paper and write down your answers to every question. you’ll be surprised 🙂

Ready?

1. You are walking in the woods. Who are you walking with? 

2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it? 

3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal? 

4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your Dream House. Describe its size. 

5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence? 

6. You enter the house. You walk to the dining area and see the dining table. Describe what you see on AND around the table. 

7. You exit the house through the back door. Lying in the grass is a cup. What material is the cup made of? 

8. What do you do with the cup? 

9. You walk to the edge of the property, where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What type of body of water is is it? 

10. How will you cross the water?

 

Here are the results.

 

This has been a relational psychology test. The answers given to the questions have been shown to have a relevance to values and ideals that we hold in our personal lives. The analysis follows: 

1. The person who you are walking with is the most important person in your life. 

2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems. 

3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems. (passive/aggressive) 

4. The size of your dream house is representative of the size of your ambition to resolve your problems. 

5. No fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You’d prefer people not to drop by unannounced. 

6. If your answer did not include food, people, or flowers, then you are generally unhappy. 

7. The durability of the material with which the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship with the person named in number 1. For example, styrafoam, plastic, and paper are all disposable, styrofoam, paper and glass are not durable, and metal and plastic are durable. 

8. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude towards the person in number 1. 

9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your desire for love. 

10. How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the relative importance of your love life.

How to survive the Monster Pit

As a symbol f their obedience, little monsters are given an opportunity to play as tribute. Each one of them shall fight to the death until a lone victor remains and be given an eternal key to meet the queen. This pageant shall be henceforth and forevermore called The Monster Pit Games.

~Manifesto 0.22 satellite 3.0

Hello readers!

 

[Pictures were made by me, would love to have some credit :)]

I hope some of you reading this are monsters and/or a lady gaga fan or anything in between since only them can relate with this.

Here are some advice how to get into the monster pit and how to survive it.

First of all, what is the Monster Pit you say?

At the Born This Way ball, the Monster pit is that “lucky spot” at the center of the whole arena, in front of the castle and if you’re lucky enough, you’ll be just a few feet away from Lady Gaga. Many monsters are dying to get inside this scared place since it entitles anyone inside it, to meet Lady Gaga and probably some memorabilias be given away to whoever is in there.

 How to enter the Pit.

~The pit is for general admission. This means, no matter how expensive or how cheap the ticket you bought it, you’re still entitled to enter the pit.

~Dress accordingly. Dress for the ball like it was a formal party. I recommend you wear studs, glitter, latex, meat or anything unusual and loud fashion. Or if you dont have any ideas, Dress as the queen herself. What better way to impress the queen if you dress like her? Oh and ‘props’ such as discosticks and telephone headresses and/or alien gunk is also a win.

~Arrive early. Monsters who apparently waited ‘overnight’ are more in luck for the Haus to drag them in the Pit. My advice: Bring a disposable sleeping bag if you want to travel light. Be there 24 hours or probably less if you dont want some vivacious ones to get first.

How to survive the Pit.

~Since in the pit, you’ll be up to dancing and screaming and singing. Prepare your voice for some Bloody Mary screaming. Dont drink cold water and dont scream 72 hours before the ball.

~Dont bring anything breakable such as an Ipad in the pit. You’ll be lucky enough if you can see it alive after the ball.

~Trudge your way up front. If you can though.

~Always have energy. Weaklings will be deliberately thrown out from the pit.

~Dont upload worthless videos. You’ll be risked with death threats saying “WHY DID YOU USE A POTATO TO FILM THIS?”

~Virginity will be lost in the Monster pit, esp. when Government Hooker plays. Take advantage of it.

~Do keep in mind that keepsakes will be given. Such as this mini disco stick.

~The lone victor will be given a key of eternal desire and opportunity. If he has succeeded with allies, they’re both in for a great opportunity to meet Lady Gaga and grab her ass

To truly survive the pit, here’s the golden rule

GET YOUR DICKS OUT AND HAVE FUN BITCHES.

Unfortunately, I cant go to the ball. The Born This Way Ball date here is May 21. It is devastating, but I know someday, Gaga will notice and meet me. The queen following me in twitter is a first step. Im gonna meet her. Now is not the time, but someday, it will. I promise.

Let the annual Born This Way Ball tour begin. Let the Monster Pit games begin…….. DIE BITCHES  May the odds be ever in your favor.

Disclaimer: Use of logos are not intended for any copying or copyright infringement.

Good luck surviving the Pit!

Lots of Love. With Orange Colored Skies.

~xGagaloox

“Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart.”

That heavy feeling you feel in your chest when you want to say something, BUT YOU CANT, BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING let alone say something and get speech-blocked and be criticized that your opinion is not legitimate enough or your credibility is out of authority. Its like they’re dismissing you’re right to speak.

I cant do anything about it since I still am a student. I’ve got a lot, to learn. I’d rather be considered an ignorant individual rather than waste my precious time arguing even though my opinions wont be considered. I want to speak out so hard, I wanna scream it, but is it my conscience, my will, or my wisdom saying I shouldnt because it will lead to more distress and misery, and eventually I”ll lose either the fight or my sanity.

I really dont need to waste time arguing, I know my place but I think what I want is, I hope they would know theirs.  It will all start in a statement, an opinion, an opposition till it becomes a whole debate. It really is hard to agree with each other, esp if the other wall wont break down easily. Well some wall must break, and just give up and agree, regrettably that’s what I always do.

Being a narcissist, I dont take negative criticism easily. Its either Ill ignore and repress it (which I do most of the time) or stand up and hurl a boulder at the critic. Sadly, I have that attitude and I know its wrong, (prolly the reason why I repress it in the first place). Plus, you cant please people, and the worst case scenario? They become misanthropists. I may be exaggerating but its my opinion + its my blog I can say whatever I want.

Im not a good debater, so I wont argue, Im just wasting precious time to people who wont even consider my opinion. And no, its not that I want my friends to “sugar coat” and lie to me that my opinion is right, but can you tell it to me in a polite way? isnt crushing someone’s opinion not enough? Meh.

Well life goes on, and if gets that way, alright then, or as they would say So be it. Listen b**ch if you happen to be reading this, check all the grammar + misspelled words all you like then fire them at me, just to let you know, I dont give a S**t . I have a life, and you? oh wait, just sit there while I look for some decent f**ks to give.

 

Sudden Outspur of my thoughts + emotions. Had to.

 

kbye.

Quick one

Hello readers.

Im just gonna post a quick  one since I havent posted after 2 days or so. Tomorrow Ill post an outfit entry.

Just to keep your hopes high that Im still alive. See yah tomorrow 😉

GAGA’S BDAY IS TOMORROW SO GREET HER :))

Im Italian btw.

 

The quest for photos

I love hje fact how useful this simple photography app in my phone.

My phone’s an android so yeah. Its like instagram but its not. Anywhoo. Here are some photographs of everyday stuff.

image

image

image

image

image

So those are pretty much it. Ill be collecting these and make a collage about it at the end of the year 🙂

Anyway, Ill be going back to school town tomorrow and we’re off to guimaras to buy mangoes and have fun.

Well see you all tomorrow :))

Lots of Love. With Orange colored skies.
xGagaLoox

Blog at WordPress.com.