To be or Not to be: A Doctor


As all of you have realized, up to now, I’m studying in a Medical course. It’s not the immediate precursor of Medicine, but is quite a good pre-requisite for Medicine: Medical Technology. I’m in my 3rd year of the course and I need only 2 semesters left + 7 months of internship and another year of reviewing and taking the board exams to become a professional.

How it all started 

I admit I do have quite the interest in science when I was young, but in my senior year in high school, taking up medicine, or anything related to it was not in my priorities. Med Tech wasnt even in any of my choices before I entered college (Background check: I badly wanted to be a fashion designer – the career got dumped because ‘they say’ finding a job is a bit scarce and a bit of a struggle. Second, a broadcaster, I imagined myself as a reporter for BBC or in GMA – it got dumped (again) for falsifications that I might end up in local radio or tv stations). Med Tech was like a random choice I entered because of the salary it would give by working abroad (in my country, you are judged by how “high-paid” your salary is, srsly?!). I told my parents and both agreed and suggested should I enter Medicine, I’d be the first doctor in the bloodline.

I didn’t dream of being a doctor ever since I was young. It was like, too generic (I remember drawing a meat vendor as a dream job when I was in first grade). I never believed in myself and I thought I wouldn’t survive or the worst case be incompetent and let the 10 years of studying go to waste by not having a job at the end (I’m quite a pessimist before).

Being practical, I weighed the opportunity and decided to set my goals and be a doctor. I was quite interested in being a dermatologist + my mum and most of the women I know wants me to.

Setting my Goals

1. MONEY. Primarily, my actual goal of being a doctor is being rich (I apologize for being shallow) but, to be practical, that seems to be the goal of everyone (unless you’re already rich).

2. I want to prove something. I’ve always regarded myself as an underachiever, not that smart, not that great, you get the picture. I’ve always envied admired from afar the honor students in my batch, so I aspired that one day I could, and I always wanted my parents to be proud of me, and most of all, to prove to myself, that I CAN do it.

3. Set up a clinic. I aspired to have a clinic and a spa center like Belo’s or the ones here in my city such as Dasal’s clinic. I’d like to promote beauty and I have this severe obsession for spas and facials…

4. Grow money on tress. Trust me, although I do love money, I’m not that greedy (70% of the time). What I actually mean is, once I got the resources and financial capabilities, I plan on establishing a fashion haus and at least sate my long desire for design. I also dream of someday establishing a company (I know I dream limitless, but, I believe I could)

5. Live the remainder of my life to the fullest. Once I’ve done those mentioned previously, I’d like to just relax and party my ass off to compensate for the days I neglected my social life because of the brain-drying studies. I’d like to travel, relax in my minimalist high-tech mansion and of course donate to charity (I already have plans :)) ), buy the clothes I want and be a fashion blogger to mention a few.

Am I Ready?

Well, if you’re in my situation, there’s probably no turning back. If I want to make my dreams come true by solely being a Tech, I think I could, but it would be a struggle (and as my pessimistic side would conclude: would end up in a very big frustrations. You know how it hurts to have dreams so big you can’t achieve them). Here are some factors I’d like to enumerate if I’m ready:

1. Financially – worth a shot. I think my parents are financially capable. In my opinion, were in the above-average middle class status (kind of like in the middle of being rich and average). Well,my parents can sustain our needs and even provide our wants (but not the point that we spoil ourselves) we could occasionally afford luxuries. Still debating if I should work as an MT and study medicine (talk about multi-tasking).

2. Academically – I’m ready. Getting Med tech as a pre-medicine provides good foundations. Bacteriology, Histology, hematology, clinical chemistry, are quite informative and very preparatory to name a few, and MTs are the first line in diagnosis. The head of our Laboratory at Uni said that most Doctors that took MT as a prep course leads the class. I’m so ready, I share medical advice during dinner (not to boast, that is).

3. Mentally – I’m not sure. My inner self is debating whether I’d risk another 10 years of studying and neglect my social life or just struggle now and live life later. I’m trying to motivate myself, but I’ll pretty much end up with the latter.

4. Physically – Worth a shot. Taking the high quality of MTs the University produces (USA) my study habits are honed. I think my body has adapted to study nights with a minimum of 2 hrs of sleep, studying every night, neglecting your social life, walking like a zombie every 8 am on a Monday and the like. I occasionally neglect some studies and give my body the luxury I can’t afford – sleep.

5. Spiritually – BRING IT ON. I’ve always trusted in God. Without Him, I wouldn’t be here venting sharing this blog entry with you. I often pray that he would give me strength to overcome these pains, and if I’m overwhelmed, he’s always there to give me rest. I’m always ready because He is with me.

6. Socially – Sacrificial. My schedule currently is very hectic and I can’t update my blog more often, let alone a tweet. But its okay. I’m willing to sacrifice my social life, which means I’m forced to make human interactions. Ill be fine. I can revive my social life any time 🙂 just be there always.

To Be… ?

To be it is. As much as my body would want me to just rest now, I cant. I’m young and have a lot to achieve. I’m going to prove myself that I’m not an underachiever, and these dreams will be my building blocks. And I couldn’t risk my dreams to turn into a big bitch-slap of frustrations.

Some of my colleagues are taking the NMAT this November. I’m still debating if im going to. I’ll post my thoughts on succeeding blog posts.

If you’re reading this, you just wasted an hour or two reading through my rants, but I admire you for it 🙂 Thanks! Hope you could come back again and read more of my latest posts, or scroll down for some previous ones!

Anyway, are you in the same situation as I am? let me know, don’t hesitate to share or ask 😉

Journal Log #0001: Prologue

11:05 pm. 21st May, 2013

I lay down on my bed. The texture of polished smooth satin seems to relax my palms. The cool after-rain and the breeze of night sends chills down my spine gradually depleting the energy I have left. And in the solemn silence, I begin my business.

As I embark on a journey to the place I’ve always longed for, with myself I carry the keepsake of experiences and memories I had from the people that come and go.

I never depended on destiny, fate to me seems to be nonsensical. I’ve always believed that the life you have is the life you chose, the outcomes Im experiencing right now is based on my decisions. Neither do I aim to make the right choices, nor stay on the safe side – I take risks. As long as it would take me a step closer to my directive, Ill take measures.

My direction is not yet defined, I know what to be at the end, when my utopia has finally arrive. I just dont know what… or who… to accommodate first.

It seems that the world I was born in is a big game, and in my vantage point, its not a friendly one. Most people thrive and get what they deserve, while some, rely on dependence. Although the playing field is not even, the game is still omnipresent. And, as I have theorized, those that relied too much, will learn the hard way, those who cheated, will suffer repercussions.

The silence of the neighborhood is eerie. The blow of the wind against my glass window seeps through its parallel slits and emits a sound that resonates in my room imitating a slight wail, adding chill to the now-cold atmosphere.

Here I am yet again.

Nonetheless, I know Ill get to my directive. With any means possible, feasible, and ethical. I know its a big risk to take, my pains outweigh my pleasure at first, but the scale will tip over when I reached that dream I so long to go to. For now  Im a foolish dreamer, lost in the lust for my dreams that are yet to come and drunk of the non-existent euphoric feeling I hope would be more ecstatic the day I get there. But I know Im no lost dreamer, Im a concrete wide awake navigator.

Good things come to those who wait GO OUT AND FUCKING EARN IT.

As the night grows older, it gets colder. I wrap myself with my comforter and allow myself to curl up and mute the world and the sheer cold my body is already suffering. I channel out with only on thought in my mind – Ive been sleeping alone too long in this bed made for couples.

~xx

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