Journal Log #0001: Prologue

11:05 pm. 21st May, 2013

I lay down on my bed. The texture of polished smooth satin seems to relax my palms. The cool after-rain and the breeze of night sends chills down my spine gradually depleting the energy I have left. And in the solemn silence, I begin my business.

As I embark on a journey to the place I’ve always longed for, with myself I carry the keepsake of experiences and memories I had from the people that come and go.

I never depended on destiny, fate to me seems to be nonsensical. I’ve always believed that the life you have is the life you chose, the outcomes Im experiencing right now is based on my decisions. Neither do I aim to make the right choices, nor stay on the safe side – I take risks. As long as it would take me a step closer to my directive, Ill take measures.

My direction is not yet defined, I know what to be at the end, when my utopia has finally arrive. I just dont know what… or who… to accommodate first.

It seems that the world I was born in is a big game, and in my vantage point, its not a friendly one. Most people thrive and get what they deserve, while some, rely on dependence. Although the playing field is not even, the game is still omnipresent. And, as I have theorized, those that relied too much, will learn the hard way, those who cheated, will suffer repercussions.

The silence of the neighborhood is eerie. The blow of the wind against my glass window seeps through its parallel slits and emits a sound that resonates in my room imitating a slight wail, adding chill to the now-cold atmosphere.

Here I am yet again.

Nonetheless, I know Ill get to my directive. With any means possible, feasible, and ethical. I know its a big risk to take, my pains outweigh my pleasure at first, but the scale will tip over when I reached that dream I so long to go to. For now  Im a foolish dreamer, lost in the lust for my dreams that are yet to come and drunk of the non-existent euphoric feeling I hope would be more ecstatic the day I get there. But I know Im no lost dreamer, Im a concrete wide awake navigator.

Good things come to those who wait GO OUT AND FUCKING EARN IT.

As the night grows older, it gets colder. I wrap myself with my comforter and allow myself to curl up and mute the world and the sheer cold my body is already suffering. I channel out with only on thought in my mind – Ive been sleeping alone too long in this bed made for couples.

~xx

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I’ve been pondering

Aint the picture pretty? its s dreamy and relaxing. I’ve always been pondering on what the future has for me. Of course, I have plenty of dreams, I always reach for the moon I dream for everything, being famous, own a mansion and everything. I want to be famous and to be indulged in luxury, go shopping, have a big fashion label and the like. I know its not wrong to dream, but Im in doubt. I dont know if my dreams will come true (Im already working hard) I know that someday Ill be there….. but what if I cant? I just cant help but think of the other possibilities. Waht if ‘opportunity’ finally knocks on my door and I just ignored it? 😐

Bah. I’ve always wanted to have a mansion, design my own room, have my own stylist + a studio and photography crew, yes I do soundd Diva-ish but hey? who doesnt want some of these? Im utterly conceived by fame and maybe corruption will probably devour me. But I know, I myself, will destroy the monster inside me.

I just have to trduge through life with unwavering manners, Ill just smile, life will get tired of upsetting me.

Need to turn on my optimism.

So my parcel arrived earlier this week. I bought a tunic and mint pleated button-up shirt. The shirt’s chiffon btw! I so love everything about it! its so classy and all. Well if I were to go to a formal party, this is a first choice. But the shirt’s  a bit oversized so I cant technically use it with the tunic unless I want myself looking like a dead corpse about to plunge in my deathbed.

Tunic and Mint shirt is from Ebay

Brooch bought from a mall

Shoes are from Dad

Jeans are mine

Envelope clutch bag bought from a mall

I also (badly) need a sewing machine. With it, I can make some fashion upgrades that require sewing + I can alter/repair some over/undersized garments that I have a certain fetish (?) on. Well my days of vacation is already countable. My days of lounging here at home getting whiter and whiter is almost at its end. Eventually Ill go and leave this blog on hiatus for 6 months (Ill update as possible). First semesters are the busiest somehow, and Im begging to get sullen about college, but why am I going to quit when my journey to fame is still beginning?? I’ve gained weight too, which is good since Im more likely to use these fat for schoolwork and the like. The only thing that keeps me excited for the openings is the new person/s I will meet. I do pray that Ill have a very hot classmate  to give me motivation + I need a boyfriend.

Oh and my Father is already abroad. Im still a bit worried about him, at his age. Hope he’s gonna be okay. And  I soooo want to migrate. No, Im not sure (and Im not bragging) that my parent’s and my relatives abroad are considering a migration plan for us but I just want one. I want to view life in a new perspective. Im kinda fed up of the same-old.

I’ve been doing some DIY lately. Galaxy prints and t-shirt printing + some dyeing and everything. And Im also joining Grindr, but it kinda makes me a desperate gay guy? 😐 Im also pondering whether Ill sell some galaxy shirt prints, since you cant find anything with galaxies in my country + if there was its gunna make the wallet bleed. Its incredibly stylish and I need to experiment if the shirts are washable. Here they are:

What do you think?

Ill be posting more pictures of my DIY + a new look.

Oh and I encourage leaving comments and opinions 🙂

See you all in the next post!

Lots of Love. With Orange Colored Skies.

~xGagaloox

 

 

 

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