To be or Not to be: A Doctor


As all of you have realized, up to now, I’m studying in a Medical course. It’s not the immediate precursor of Medicine, but is quite a good pre-requisite for Medicine: Medical Technology. I’m in my 3rd year of the course and I need only 2 semesters left + 7 months of internship and another year of reviewing and taking the board exams to become a professional.

How it all started 

I admit I do have quite the interest in science when I was young, but in my senior year in high school, taking up medicine, or anything related to it was not in my priorities. Med Tech wasnt even in any of my choices before I entered college (Background check: I badly wanted to be a fashion designer – the career got dumped because ‘they say’ finding a job is a bit scarce and a bit of a struggle. Second, a broadcaster, I imagined myself as a reporter for BBC or in GMA – it got dumped (again) for falsifications that I might end up in local radio or tv stations). Med Tech was like a random choice I entered because of the salary it would give by working abroad (in my country, you are judged by how “high-paid” your salary is, srsly?!). I told my parents and both agreed and suggested should I enter Medicine, I’d be the first doctor in the bloodline.

I didn’t dream of being a doctor ever since I was young. It was like, too generic (I remember drawing a meat vendor as a dream job when I was in first grade). I never believed in myself and I thought I wouldn’t survive or the worst case be incompetent and let the 10 years of studying go to waste by not having a job at the end (I’m quite a pessimist before).

Being practical, I weighed the opportunity and decided to set my goals and be a doctor. I was quite interested in being a dermatologist + my mum and most of the women I know wants me to.

Setting my Goals

1. MONEY. Primarily, my actual goal of being a doctor is being rich (I apologize for being shallow) but, to be practical, that seems to be the goal of everyone (unless you’re already rich).

2. I want to prove something. I’ve always regarded myself as an underachiever, not that smart, not that great, you get the picture. I’ve always envied admired from afar the honor students in my batch, so I aspired that one day I could, and I always wanted my parents to be proud of me, and most of all, to prove to myself, that I CAN do it.

3. Set up a clinic. I aspired to have a clinic and a spa center like Belo’s or the ones here in my city such as Dasal’s clinic. I’d like to promote beauty and I have this severe obsession for spas and facials…

4. Grow money on tress. Trust me, although I do love money, I’m not that greedy (70% of the time). What I actually mean is, once I got the resources and financial capabilities, I plan on establishing a fashion haus and at least sate my long desire for design. I also dream of someday establishing a company (I know I dream limitless, but, I believe I could)

5. Live the remainder of my life to the fullest. Once I’ve done those mentioned previously, I’d like to just relax and party my ass off to compensate for the days I neglected my social life because of the brain-drying studies. I’d like to travel, relax in my minimalist high-tech mansion and of course donate to charity (I already have plans :)) ), buy the clothes I want and be a fashion blogger to mention a few.

Am I Ready?

Well, if you’re in my situation, there’s probably no turning back. If I want to make my dreams come true by solely being a Tech, I think I could, but it would be a struggle (and as my pessimistic side would conclude: would end up in a very big frustrations. You know how it hurts to have dreams so big you can’t achieve them). Here are some factors I’d like to enumerate if I’m ready:

1. Financially – worth a shot. I think my parents are financially capable. In my opinion, were in the above-average middle class status (kind of like in the middle of being rich and average). Well,my parents can sustain our needs and even provide our wants (but not the point that we spoil ourselves) we could occasionally afford luxuries. Still debating if I should work as an MT and study medicine (talk about multi-tasking).

2. Academically – I’m ready. Getting Med tech as a pre-medicine provides good foundations. Bacteriology, Histology, hematology, clinical chemistry, are quite informative and very preparatory to name a few, and MTs are the first line in diagnosis. The head of our Laboratory at Uni said that most Doctors that took MT as a prep course leads the class. I’m so ready, I share medical advice during dinner (not to boast, that is).

3. Mentally – I’m not sure. My inner self is debating whether I’d risk another 10 years of studying and neglect my social life or just struggle now and live life later. I’m trying to motivate myself, but I’ll pretty much end up with the latter.

4. Physically – Worth a shot. Taking the high quality of MTs the University produces (USA) my study habits are honed. I think my body has adapted to study nights with a minimum of 2 hrs of sleep, studying every night, neglecting your social life, walking like a zombie every 8 am on a Monday and the like. I occasionally neglect some studies and give my body the luxury I can’t afford – sleep.

5. Spiritually – BRING IT ON. I’ve always trusted in God. Without Him, I wouldn’t be here venting sharing this blog entry with you. I often pray that he would give me strength to overcome these pains, and if I’m overwhelmed, he’s always there to give me rest. I’m always ready because He is with me.

6. Socially – Sacrificial. My schedule currently is very hectic and I can’t update my blog more often, let alone a tweet. But its okay. I’m willing to sacrifice my social life, which means I’m forced to make human interactions. Ill be fine. I can revive my social life any time 🙂 just be there always.

To Be… ?

To be it is. As much as my body would want me to just rest now, I cant. I’m young and have a lot to achieve. I’m going to prove myself that I’m not an underachiever, and these dreams will be my building blocks. And I couldn’t risk my dreams to turn into a big bitch-slap of frustrations.

Some of my colleagues are taking the NMAT this November. I’m still debating if im going to. I’ll post my thoughts on succeeding blog posts.

If you’re reading this, you just wasted an hour or two reading through my rants, but I admire you for it 🙂 Thanks! Hope you could come back again and read more of my latest posts, or scroll down for some previous ones!

Anyway, are you in the same situation as I am? let me know, don’t hesitate to share or ask 😉

Journal #004: Wishful Thinking

The formation of beliefs and making decisions according to what might be pleasing to imagine instead of by appealing to evidence, rationality, or reality

Ended a rough day of work. I proceed to the local coffee shop Im fond of. Its a good thing it runs 24 hours straight. I walk into the shop, judging by the time of the night there’s still a handful of customers adding to the fact that its a week night. I couldnt care more. I was swamped earlier that day and I had to relieve stress. My condo was an hour drive from where I was so I needed a nearby place to blow off steam.

I ordered a double shot and waited on a recently vacated table in the corner. It was a great spot, I could see people entering without them seeing or noticing me first. I watched as customers come and go. I opened my phone and began my rant.

I went through a blog post featuring a handful of hot male models currently in the country, which made me uneasy… my list of worldly frustrations just got lengthier.

***

The world out there is full of gorgeous people, many are blessed but only a few are given the opportunity to bring it to the limelight. I scroll down the list and see two of my major crushes one is a DJ/Model from Australia now based in the Philippines and One is from Brazil who models for the country-renowned mall.

These two has been the wallpaper of my phone for almost a year or 2. I always look at him before I sleep, thinking of how great my life would be if we would actually be dating, how fun outings would be, or how less aggravating my mondays would be if I see his face next to my pillow… his face as ugly as a mule’s butt.

This someone that I could acknowledge as a lover, with my own definition of love and sweetness – the frequent fights and insults that end up in cuddling and making out or possibly more…

Anyway, I dreamt of him, the DJ. He actually visited me, we werent ‘labeled’ yet but he fitted my ideals.

I told him: “Lets be sweet to each other, first one to fall in love, loses”

he replied: “You already lost. You already fell in love with me”

I felt the slightest blush, trying to suppress a very wide smile from swooning, I said: “Okay then, change of rules, first one to say I LOVE YOU, loses, and you know what the winner gets…”

With no further words, we made a deal. I cant recall further what happened in the dream, all I remember is, I let him go. I let him leave because I was a tad busy doing something. I went home afterwards, I step on the staircase and hear loud music emanating from my room. I hurriedly ran up the stairs, and to my surprise… he was there. He didnt leave me. Suppressing a smile again, I lounged in bed with him. With no words, He fell asleep beside me.

I wake up.

The euphoria slowly dissipating from my mind, I still feel ecstatic and sent me a wave of hope that someday, we might, we could, we could belong together…

***

I was in a stance when the waiter served my espresso. I cant help but realize, I live on wishful thinking. Wishful thinking – The formation of beliefs and making decisions according to what might be pleasing to imagine instead of by appealing to evidence, rationality, or reality.

Reality is a bitter place. It vanquishes any non-existent happiness I already made. The castle of make-believe that gave me an illusion of happiness would be wrecked by this so called reality. But I cant risk the condition of my thinking. Im a practical person and Im heavily biased by evidence, tangibility and proof. Im in a divergent battle between my two mental states. If I dwell in reality, Im a sad, but I affirm myself I have a sound mind. If I dwell in wishful thinking, I am happy, empty happiness, but its all I want and hard to let go for it has the slightest hope that maybe, it will come true. I have strong faith so I cant be bothered.

I cant let go of something that makes me happy, but it might hurt me  more in the end, but its the only thing I want, the only thing that made me happy. Its like Im feeding on sweet nothings.

According to Christopher Booker he described Wishful thinking as:

“the fantasy cycle” … a pattern that recurs in personal lives, in politics, in history – and in storytelling. When we embark on a course of action which is unconsciously driven by wishful thinking, all may seem to go well for a time, in what may be called the “dream stage”. But because this make-believe can never be reconciled with reality, it leads to a “frustration stage” as things start to go wrong, prompting a more determined effort to keep the fantasy in being. As reality presses in, it leads to a “nightmare stage” as everything goes wrong, culminating in an “explosion into reality”, when the fantasy finally falls apart.“the fantasy cycle” … a pattern that recurs in personal lives, in politics, in history – and in storytelling. When we embark on a course of action which is unconsciously driven by wishful thinking, all may seem to go well for a time, in what may be called the “dream stage”. But because this make-believe can never be reconciled with reality, it leads to a “frustration stage” as things start to go wrong, prompting a more determined effort to keep the fantasy in being. As reality presses in, it leads to a “nightmare stage” as everything goes wrong, culminating in an “explosion into reality”, when the fantasy finally falls apart.

so this wishful thinking is like a sweet poison that I cant get enough of, which will soon be the end of me. But, sad to say, Im so attached. I wont acknowledge this as wishful thinking, but as faith. I believe. and it wont hurt me. I have waited far too long, and I know Im not ripe. Time will indeed come. Im just here ranting in full immaturity.

Rest assured, Ill find him, and be with him. Although not these two, but at least someone fitting of my ideals.

***

The last sip of coffee is invigorating. The thought that lingers in my mind weighs my eyes down and I almost drifted into a nap. With a deep breath, I stood up and wave off the trance Im in. Reality tunes in.

Although I am tangibly living in reality. My heart aspires of what is best for me, and he’s doing his job.

I jump in the car and turned on the stereo. The sweetest melody of the Saxophone version of Can You Feel The Love Tonight plays.

I burst into tears and loud sobs. I close the door and strike the vacated seat next to me. The melody is sweet but its killing me softly.

This sonata is too romantic.

 

 

 

Too romantic that I have no one to share it with.

 

~xx

~Vivid

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Hello readers! ( I got to think of some other ways to open a blog post, the “hello readers” act is getting too, bland)

so we went to this rock cavern near our beach the other day. I might say the place looks pretty neat and ideal for exotic photoshoots. A little travel and photography do seem to get along together. Basically its summer here in PH (Rather hotter than usual) and you know when its summer here? it rains fire, pardon me for the exaggeration but the heat feels like YOU’RE ABOUT TO MELT. Summer for me would the good time of the year because I do leisure more often and I could use bright and vivid clothes to match with the sunny weather but I do prefer winter to be honest.

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The photographs turned out to be quite well. My team should’ve used mroe complex materials for photoshoots, but a camera, some natural light and skilled post processing would do. Oh and you might have noticed I havent set ‘tones’ or color schemes in the photo, I’d love the color so filters arent needed + summer is probably all about bright and colorful tones so these would do.

 

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My color scheme for this look is truly a fav. Im getting crazy over how vivid my blue shorts looked, along with the lighter hue scarf I found in my closet (which I bought haphazardly in an attempt to burn money when Im bored) my shirt also did a good job, I added gold spikes on the wingtips for extra leverage and I used some gold accessories too. My shoes were a tad expensive (1,300 php) but they’re worth it, tho I only use them seldom (Im afraid it would wear off + gold is not a very flexible color, in my opinion that is).

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I love how my sister took a photo from behind a bush and blurred them it kind of added a first-person feel, or a someone-is-watching-you feeling, whatever. Okay so I decided thats time to make some improvement after a year of procrastination. Im going to improve my lookbook account and add some new followers and readers to this blog. As always, helping me and/or comments are always welcome 🙂

here are some behing the scenes with the team:

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well thats a wrap. See you in the next blog post 🙂

I admire visitors, I believe they have read what I wrote anonymous as they are, THANKS A LOT 😉

Lots of Love, with Vivid colored skies ❤

~xx

Learn to Love again

OUTFIT POST!

Finally. I know you guys have been waiting for me to post an outfit, which I myself am pretty excited too.

2nd semester finally had its time and its all dust this time around. Now Im enjoying my 2-week summer ‘break’. This time around I have summer classes, which is quite a bum and all, but its better than doing nothing when you’re at home.

Me and my sister took turn taking shots of ourselves and the results are quite satisfactory, good I might say 🙂

Here’s my sister’s outfit (which undeniably garnered 100+  likes in facebook, talk about ms. popular)

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AND here’s my look. I used my recently bought black denim shirt (which isnt actually denim, the cloth pattern made it look like denim + its comfortable to wear) along with my camel suede pants-turned-pedal some spiked accessories and shoes.

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The time of ‘shoot’ was late afternoon around 4:00 pm, so the heat is a bit ablaze and the sun is still bright. but I love how it turned out + how my post-processing skills has gone honed.

Some of you might be wondering why ‘Learn to Love again’ is the title. Lets just say, I went through something tragic, recovering, yes, and in no time Ill be back in track. Somehow the wounds he left we a bit lighter, or maybe this time around Im just stronger than my previous self. Well, what doesnt kill you make you stronger as they would say so lets abide.

if you have a lookbook account, feel free to hype my look here and be my fan here

More outfits to be posted. so stay tuned.

Loves. xx

 

Bonus post: My Instagram!!!

Hi readers!

I just want to share to you my IG account. As you can see I have quite a talent in photography and image post-processing. Carrying professional cams around the globr would be a bit bulky and Im an ‘on-the-go’ person – ai travel lightly (Id like to think it that way). So instead of a camera I use my phone (whose shots are also quite impressive. 8 mp.)

Though IG’s filters are already awesome on its own, I prefer to tweak my photos a bit more so I use a variety of phone apps for filters.

I prefet sharing pictures than posting a status. You can get to the point more + I like to play with ny camera.

Anywhoo. My IG account is @nemorcust

I dont post self pics and food that much. So Im more of a hipster person. Here are some of my best pictures:

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Been using IG for almost a year now.I post some photos of my everyday life. Some boys. Fashion and some photos from the internet that is somehow worth sharing. Go and check out my account it has like 300+ photos.

Feel free to follow. See you @ IG

Lovess. Xx

To the sea of love`

Come with me, my love, to the sea… the sea of love…

I wanna tell you… how much… I love you…

I love you… I really do…

 

Hello everyone!

I know its been quite a while since I updated a blog post. I dont even know if anyone still reads this blog? anyway, I’ve spending too much time in reality. Rest assured, this blog is still alive and active 🙂 I’ve been quite busy and very very stressed in school lately (not to mention Ive been crushing on someone close to me, which pretty much is a bad thing because when everyone knows Ill be the most hated person on earth) anyway, here are some looks that I prepared for you 🙂

 

Satchel bag is from Parisian

Vintage brogues from Dad (a lil bit worn out)

White Jeans from Mom

Polka-dot blazer from Ebay.ph

White button-up is from a thrift store (amazingly cheap!)

About the look:

Im a total sucker for sea, beaches, shores, and everything you can think of when you hear the word ‘beach’. I just love the calming sounds of the waves, the breeze of the wind and the smell of fish (lol jk). I dream of someday having a house near or on the shore (which kind of makes my house prone to tidal waves. but never mind that). The fact that I always attribute the beach to the sea of love. I want my wedding to be in a beach setting, with the sun setting and everything is perfect. I also want to tell my love that I love him in front of a sea. Why? because I just like to. Unless he doesnt feel the same about me (they always do) at least, the serene wind and the calming waves can comfort me.

Sometimes I just feel like a total sucker. Love is my frustration. Im prefect in everything, but I flunk when it comes to that genre. I just feel like there’s nothing left for me in all of God‘s creation. But anyway, I still haven’t searched enough yet, I think I scoured almost 3% of the world? but still, hopes high I wont die alone 🙂

How are all of you? 🙂

Lots of Love.

With Orange Colored Skies.

~xGaeatana

Taking Andromeda for a walk

Hello everyone!

So I just finished my Galaxy DIY weeks ago. Its been fun doing it + it turned out quite awesome. I also made sure the paint ran dry and I also washed it before I would use it. The outcome was great! The Tee is clean + the design is crisp! Added a galaxy patter at the bacl and some cuts. Removed the collar since round collars strangle me + I want my collar bones to be visible (seems sexy) although I did hid it with my scarf. still. Anyway here are some photos. I want to do some copies + sell these but idk.

Black Scarf.  DIY Galaxy Shirt. Black Shorts. Black Long Cardigan. Toms Shoes. Prada backpack.

Im maximizing the potentials of my 1-year old camera. Im shooting in RAW and although it eats memory too much (my memory is only 2 GB) the results are quite great and post processing is a breeze and more easy to manipulate! Im also toning down my editing since some people been saying that my photos are a over edited or such so Im trying to “naturally” edit my photos.

shirt inspiration:

Will be having a fab vacation tomorrow to the white beaches so Ill see this monday 🙂

See you all in the next post!

Lots of Love. With Orange Colored Skies.

~xGaetana

The Overridden Renegade

Hello readers!

I know its been five days since I last posted something here. I was a bit in a mild hiatus seen I havent been catching some good sleep lately + I’ve gone online shopping for some clothes and did some quality time with my father since he’ll be working abroad.

I usually photography my looks in meadows and scenery since its summer so I did this indoors and I love how it turned out but I think I’ve got a bit too carried away with the editing. So here’s the big deal, I bought Lightroom 3 since this photo editing software is indestructive unlike photoshop. In Lightroom 3 you can control almost anything, color tones, highlights, shadows, exposure, even special effects + I incorporate it with photoshop for some more savvy special effects .

I really cant tell if its a bit overridden and stuff but its quite okay. Just tweaked some tonal adjustments and used photoshop for the colorful lightings and curves. Practically, I have little knowledge on portrait photography, since Im posting my looks I think I should need to study and improve in that. Im also planning to go hiking and get some photos of some scenery here in my city, probably this weekend 🙂

Okay so how am I?

  • First, I have a parcel arriving either tomorrow or the day after and Ill probably be posting a look afterwards.
  • I want to go watch Battleship and The Avengers, me + my BFF will go watch Battleship first
  • I need to look for some floral shirts and Lennon sunglasses
  • I need a new camera lens for. Either ones that are good for macros or portraits, but more likely I’d choose the latter

Well that’s probably it, I think.

Here’s a gallery of some photos my sister took + the editing. Let me know something in the comments.

See you all in the next post.

Lots of Love. With Orange Colored Skies.

~xGagaloox

 

 

 

 

Hello readers!

I beckon any of you love dancing and/or playing in the rain. I love rain clouds and gloomy days, I dont know why. Especially if it accompanies cold winds and stuff, its kinda like a nice time to have a stroll with a loved one (boyfriend) and cuddle each other while walking (if ever that’s possible). Anyway, it rained yesterday ( I love the fact that its scorching hot the rest of the day, and it compensates by raining for an hour at dusk) well I dont remember my last time I bathed in the rain but it sure was fun.

So I didnt waste time since I know the rain wont be staying so long, I went out and the rain drops welcomed me. The cold drips feel nostalgic. Its kinda great to feel like a child again. I crashed into puddles, slid on the road, tasted the rain. Everything was so perfect. I will cherish this simple thing life has offered for me. I went running in the rain, twirling and screaming. The subdivision was a bit deserted so I screamed my lungs off. And I also went to the river. Oh how it feels to be young again.

I also love that lingering smell of damp earth, leaves and rain! I dont know but it feel so fresh and relaxing. I also love the haze that lingers when a rain pours down hot concrete. But most of the time, I like sleeping to the sounds of raindrops (especially strong ones) splattering on my glass window,  and the sound of the vicious winds humming through the small seeps at the sides of the window and the roars of the thunder. Reminds me of warm nights when I was a child. Where I would go run to the covers when the thunders roared.

Well the rain has passed so I went home and hosed myself down. The warm water was invigorating. I decided to play with it and made artificial rain. I was a child for like an hour. And I never regretted it. I took a bath afterwards and ran out with my camera. Took shots of the aftermath of the rain. Edited them and so far I have these.

So what do you think of my photographs? They’re a bit drab but I think its okay. Any tips? 🙂 Im not quite good at this, but Ill work on it + I need a new camera lens. Macros and Portrait ones are in my eye lately. Any recommendations?

I wanted to take a photo of myself twirling in the rain, but I dont wanna risk my camera to get broken + I dont have someone to take a picture.

So how do you feel when ur dancing in the rain?

See you in the next post!

~Lots of Love. With Orange Colored Skies.

~xGagaloox

Born This Way: The Closet Tour

Hello!

Good news is I’ve been quite active lately in lookbook. Been joining in forums, adding comments, opinions, adding topics to ponder about just to waste time and the like. I’ve been adding some new looks and stuff.

Being a fashion enthusiast I bet a lot of you might be wondering what my closet looks like.  Well its not much, its simple and not quite big. Well I cant just describe it with words and such, now’s the time you get a glimpse of the (only) place in the world I’d love to get lost into (next to shopping malls)

Here’s the overall appearance of my closet. Hanged shirts + blazers are at the top and some t-shirts, jeans and shorts at the bottom (I hid my undies >:p)

closer view of the hanged shirts + blazers. Im quite addicted to patterns, polka dots and stripes I do need some prints though.

If you burrow deep inside, you can find I have two shoe boxes filled with my obsession for Victoria’s Secret scents. I have some BBW and other stuff, a little too many to name.

I wont be posting much about it since it looks like a total drab. I guess Ill leave you with these pictures. I know some of you are surprised and/or mortified. My closet is full, (bursting apparently) so I need a bigger one.

If I were to recreate my closet I would make it as big as my room. An entire floor maybe and/or one house! I just love being surrounded by clothes (I’d rather die being smothered by it) I want my closet to be as big as my room because that room can be my only place to hide in if the world hates me.

Given the opportunity, I would gladly make it into a maze. If ever there’s a intruder they would get lost (and later on delivered to a dungeon of dirty laundry)

Here are some of my types:

Well those are some examples. How about you? would you like a wardrobe as big as a room? why?

See you in the next post.

Lots of Love. With Orange Colored Skies.

xGagaloox

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